It was an accumulation of things that stacked worry on worry like a Christmas trifle until the layers started to collapse into each other. She crept to the door and watched as her child slept. Shallow breaths. In, out, in, out. She watched as the moon threw shapes across his body. It was shocking to her that she had so quickly become bewitched by another's life, but he was all she could think of. His breath. His smell. There was no one who really understood. Her mum, maybe? But she was distracted by her own worries. She needed someone who understood that with the cutting of the umbilical cord, a mother is born too. There were eleven days in the phone calendar tracing a path toward her family and the big day. A linen dress to be pressed, hair washed, cakes made from scratch with fresh cherries. The family waiting with hugs and handshakes. But she was drowning. And the thought of Mum all broken and fragile next to Dad and his new partner with that plump homogenous look that could be thirty or forty or fifty. It was madness. All of it. She'd called her mum. She'd plucked up the courage to explain she was hurting. But her heart was met with a list of ‘justs'. ‘Everyone feels like that sometimes, just don't dwell on it. It's just a phase. Just how things are.' And she wept because it hadn't always been like that. She was once a girl stirring cake rich with brandy and breathing the fumes like perfume. She ran her finger down the index of Maggie Beer's Christmas cookbook. Past the ham, the plates of beans adorned with slivered almonds. Festive sides for happy families. The baby stirred in the next room. It was time to make new memories.

 

Nikki Wilson-Smith is a writer, journalist and balancer of bedside books stacks. Nikki loves storytelling, which led to a media and marketing career. Nikki worked for ABC radio and TV, winning a swag of awards, including a Walkley. When she's not reading, you'll find her at the beach with a strong coffee.

 

© Nikki Wilson-Smith Published in Twice Not Shy: One hundred short short stories by Night Parrot Press (2021) www.nightparrotpress.com