My toddler is not sleeping tonight.  

Maybe it was a regression, or her room wasn't exactly 24.5 degrees, or she had a wedgie.  

Perhaps her sound machine was on white noise instead of brown noise; perhaps it wasn't set at 72% volume.  

Shhh, shhh, shhh. Rocking in my arms. Shhh, shhh, shhh. Mumma's here.  

Surely this is teething. Her cheek is red and I did see a molar coming down during dinner. Let's give her some pain relief.

Oh, that did not go well at all – none of that was actually ingested and now she's coughing.

Maybe she was having a developmental leap. Oh wait, what if it was a nightmare? Isn't she too young for nightmares?

Okay, Reddit told me it's not nightmares at this age. Google, on the other hand, just downright scared me more.  

I've booked a GP appointment for tomorrow morning just in case it was what Google said.  

Maybe her bedtime needs to be pushed back? Is it time she drops a nap?

God, I miss the sleepy magic of breastfeeding. She wouldn't even know what to do with these anymore. Neither would I!

Let's try more formula. Ahh, we're out of sterilised water. I'll just use cow's milk.  

Nope – she didn't want any of that. I only changed her nappy an hour ago, it cannot be that full of wee again.

Yep – not full of wee and now she's even angrier because I put her on the evil change mat. 

Let's try co-sleeping. Not really our thing, but hey we've done it before to some success!

Great, now the dog is crying for me to take the loud thing out of the room. Co-sleeping is not a winner tonight.  

We are in a Blizzard with a capital B. Full meltdown. Now she's hyperventilating. I'm not too far away from that either, to be honest...

What if I just hold her completely stationary while I sit in the chair in the corner of her room? Let's just plonk down here -  

Silence.... 

Eyes are closed.... 
No one panic. Her breathing has slowed. This is great! I'll gently go over to her crib and put her down – absolutely not? No worries, ma'am. I'll just go sit back in that chair. 
Big sigh.  
Calm down, mumma. It's Saturday tomorrow. There is no work. I need to soak this cuddle in, this needing me in. Because I feel every day there is slightly less and less of that. She's already so big... 
There'll be a day where she won't need me to cuddle her all night long. That kills me a little inside.  
Oh! Why is she sitting right up with big eyes looking directly at me. 
Shhh, shhh, shhh. 
She leans forward and kisses me, smiles big, and kisses me again. Hunkering down for hours of cuddling, just the two of us, she leans back into my chest. 
My heart explodes as I squeeze her into me, letting her hear it beat for her.